My son recently completed second grade at our neighborhood public school. To be fair, our school district is pretty good. It is far from fabulous, but definitely high above average, so there is ample opportunity to get a good education.
In Mrs.C's second grade class, Zachary was one of three Indian children. One was one of the twin girls from Kindergarten and the other was a boy. Since Kindergarten, the Indian children in his school have accepted that Zachary is Indian, but they also grasp that he is half Indian. Althuogh he identifies fully with the other Indian kids, he still doesn't quite blend in with his comparatively fair complexion, chestnut brown hair, and Italian last name. Nevertheless, when he has rice with ghee in his thermos for lunch, he's definitely Indian.
As much as I had hoped for Zachary and the other little boy to befriend one another, it was bit meant to be. After some bumps along the way, by the end of the school year, neither boy had any patience for the other. Why might one ask? One word - competition. Zachary is pretty bright as is the other boy. Apparently the other boy had grown accustomed to being at the top of the class in first grade. Along comes Zachary in second grade and the top position is no longer a given for the other kid. So how does a seven- or eight-year-old react when his family's pride is riding on his position in class? Well you can imagine.
Each day there was a story about A. A did this, A did that. I tried to be nice to A, but he still said this, that, or the other mean thing. By the end of the school year, the two boys had resigned to loathe one another, which is unfortunate. The boy's father and I looked at the two of them and shook our heads in a bit of disgust. The father said to them, "I can't believe this! You two are supposed to be chums!" He continued, "Instead of being at odds, wouldn't it just be easier to be friends?" The boys both looked at us as if we had landed from Mars and shrugged, with wrinkled faces and muttered, "I guess so." Set aside your differences and get along? I think we have a better shot at being struck by lightning.
To be fair, I am all for competition among students. For those who are born leaders, it's a way for them to establish their superiority. For followers, the leaders set the bar so the followers can meet or exceed it. Zachary falls into the latter category. For the moment, he is definitely a follower. If there is someone better than he is, it motivates him to do better. He is happy to be in the pack, close to the front. I am hoping that he will find his groove sometime between now and high school and realize his own potential, but he is only 7.
And where was the other Indian girl throughout all of this? Natasha and her pal, a very bright first generation Chinese girl, merely sat and pointed and giggled at the two silly boys couldn't get along.
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3 comments:
Hello Desi Mommy,
Great website. Just visited for the first time. I just wanted to ask if you have ever considered telling your son that he is BOTH Indian and White. I learned to refer to multi-ethnic families as both this + that-than using the term "half" because it makes you sound like less than whole . Something to think about.
When asked about his ethnicity, usually his response is "American." Then he identifies himself as Indian and Italian rather than half and half.
Indeed, my philosophy for my children is that they are both and I encourage them to take the inclusive approach.
The issue gets a bit more dicey with religion, but I take the inclusive approach on that as well. I'll post on that soon.
Hi there - I just wanted to commend you on starting this blog that I found doing a simple search from google. I wanted to invite you and your friends to a new community of desi mothers at www.desimommy.com.
Hope to see you on the site and -- also, there is a blog spot area on the site. So, you can continue your insightful blogs that will get a much larger audience!
See you on desimommy.com!
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